i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
