Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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