I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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