so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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