I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
