i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
