i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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