Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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