Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
