are you still at the devil's house?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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