So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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