why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
