I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
