Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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