You just made me feel so damn special
I want to make a zoo with you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
