i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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