Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
