Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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