I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
