Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
