Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
