You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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