If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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