I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize