she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i've created a new STD.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
