I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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