one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dear god my vagina.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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