i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
