Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
