Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this boner is exhausting
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
