So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
