This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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