i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
