i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
