He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
