I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
