Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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