I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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