brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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