If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
