We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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