dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
