I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
