There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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