i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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