I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
