Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
