I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
