rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
