He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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