I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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