would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
