i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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