Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize