pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
