Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
