"it" just moved
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
