I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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