it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
