What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
