I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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