I just pynch a tree in the face
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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