we have officially lost it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
