Small penises have feelings too.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
