there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
