I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your penis caused this!
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