he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize