Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
being pregnant is like rehab
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
